Time Capsule

The first real moment I realized that life was actually moving on was just a few weeks ago. Jebs dart team made the decision to play this season and replace Jeb. Don’t get me wrong, they had to do it, they needed to play and Jeb would be so honored with his replacement. But to be honest, it was the moment that caught me completely off guard. I do think its because it was also telling me I needed to start dealing with the reality that life, is indeed, moving forward.

The hardest part about this season, other than missing his physical presence each and every day, is that when I walk into our home it is the way it was the day he left this earth. It is a literal time capsule of our lives together and everything we built over the last 30 years. Its his dart board in our dining room with all of his stuff still surrounding it. It is his reading glasses sitting on top on the book he was last reading. Its his closet door, that is now closed and I can’t go into. But the biggest trigger of all?? His ugly recliner that I have tried replacing for the last 15 years!!!! LOL He sat in that chair every single evening after work. He ate there. He sat with our pups in that chair. He fed the grandbabies sweets in that chair. Every time I look at it, which is every minute if the time spent in the kitchen or living room, I just think of the what was and the what will never be. I have started to realize its not healthy for me, and even though i DO NOT want to erase him, I need to erase the recliner. Its time. And his other belongings will stay, until i feel its time as well.

I believe wholeheartedly that God is redefining who I am in this season. I am, unapologetically, seeking Jesus FIRST. I have to. The alternative is to be angry, bitter, ugly, and potentially join Jeb. I wont do that. Not to myself or to my children or my grandchildren or my family and friends. I am going through a storm, BUT I WONT GO DOWN!

“Healing has nothing to do with time, its about what you do with that time” Widowed Mom Podcast

I have dreams and visions of what could be next. But more than anything i want to help people, I need and want to get out of my own bubble and take risks. Take steps of faith.

“If it seems like isn’t moving in our lives, maybe its because we aren’t moving. but if we make a move, God will move heaven and earth to honor our faith”