“Where the hell is my husband at?” – Raye

Written: 03/15/2026

Bob Hall pier has been resurrected and is once again standing long and tall! Its not complete, yet, it still needs its final touches, but the bones are back…. ready to begin its new life.

Fitting.

Its such a special place for me.

I grew up there, got married there, shared it with all our babies as they were growing up, and returned very shortly after I experienced the most difficult pain in my life.

Now, I return again, on what would have been 30 years together, to say goodbye to my “Husband”, who is no longer on this earth. I cant keep looking for him –

On the roads – (I see his white van)

At work – (What a team we were)

At the little stores – (Where all the ladies ask about him)

On our back road – (Where I look to see if his red truck is in the driveway)

When I am cooking in the kitchen – (Waiting for him to come in to tell me how to make it “better”)

The dozens of texts a day – (That don’t come, especially the one at 11:00am when he asks “what do you want for dinner?”)

The bedtime routine – (Where he would said “love you B” and literally roll over and pass out!!)

During my Off-grid space on my trip, I realized that because of the way I am wired, I truly have to accept that my husband is gone, no longer on this earth. Never, EVER, forgotten. I will always love him, the man he was, the father to our amazing kids, the best friend, partner.

I walked the beach this morning, i walked that pier, and I spoke with Jesus, and with Jeb. I shared with him all the things I wrote while i was gone about the things I learned from him and those things i will carry with me:

Dignity, Respect (for myself most importantly), Modesty LOL, Not to gossip, Travel with no itinerary, what deep love looks like, pushing through and working hard, always be there to help others, how to be a smart ass, how to cook, what a real family looks like, safe space for me to grow up. He would say at the end of the days i was filled with anxiety “You have done all you can do, now let it go”, I didn’t get it, but I am thankful he did. And so much more.

I released him to the ocean, the same way we released my flower bouqute from our wedding.

Grief has changed me completely & permanently, but it can take way what I know to be true. Jeb was such a good man, with a big heart, and he leaves a love and impression on me that will never go way, but now, maybe I can stop desperately seeking him every single day!

****Disclaimer: This is my journey, I can’t tell anyone else how to handle your own personal grief. I am sharing my story in hopes it helps one single person know that if you are in a season I am calling “Shockingly Honest & Glorious Hope”, you can do this. We may get it so wrong for others and we may hurt others in the process (not intentionally), but if we are being honest, I believe good will come out of it.)