Authentic Joy

Today is 3 months. 3 months since the early morning of June 6, 2025, where I stood on the corner street, outside of SA Children’s hospital and had to make my very first phone call. I don’t remember taking this picture, I’m not sure why I did. Maybe it was to mark a moment in time I knew I would never forget, at least most of it.

I’m not even sure what to share, I just know I want to continue the journey of being honest and open.
There’s ups and there’s downs. Things are ok and then they are really not ok. I made a comment last week that I was pretty sure I was getting the hang of controlling the grief. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ and then this last week felt the roughest of them all. I couldn’t pull it together. Something everyday triggered the thoughts of him and it makes me so damn sad he’s not here. Our kids having big achievements, fantasy football draft, holiday weekends, our growing unborn grandbaby, finding dart flights in my purse, dealing with building hardware at work, Dasa saying her heart was broken because she misses pops, work anniversary, and learning to live on one income for the first time in 30 years.

Today I woke up and had long talks with Jesus. He is gone. Things will NEVER be the same. I have to trust this process, I have to trust that through a broken heart I will continue to grow. To find a way to dream. To continue to be a good mom/gigi, employee. But most importantly finding and creating authentic joy. Joy leads to hope. And I need that more than anything these days. Hope that I won’t remain broken hearted. And remember how deeply loved I am. How incredibly thankful I got 30 years with an incredible man who helped build everything I never knew I wanted or needed….family and our home. ❤️