I am still here….just different.

When Jeb’s heart stopped beating, that unexpected morning of June 6, 2025, I lost a huge part of me as well. He wasn’t just my husband, or father to our kids, he was my HOME. He represented safety. Trust. Consistency. Love. Shelter. I knew he would never abandon me, on purpose. He held all those spaces for me so that the little girl inside of me could heal and grow up to be the woman I was that morning I lost him.

The moment I knew he was gone, my entire world came crashing down and the earth shifted….without any warning!

Since then, well, to be honest, I have been all over the place. One thing I have finally started to comes to terms with is: Jeb’s wife, best friend, person…she’s gone. She has to be. In a world without him, “SHE” can’t exist. It hurts too much. I kept trying to go back, to get back to “normal”, to get back to the place of joy and happiness we had. It doesn’t exist anymore. Now, his love, and the woman he helped me to become…I will take that with me forever and build from that.

I am learning to live without you and take care of myself, not because I want to , but because time doesn’t stop for grief. Some days I bulldoze my way through the days, they keep coming. Some days I remain quiet, distant. But most days I carry the absence of you as ts something fragile. The pain isn’t as loud as it used to be but i know its there, and its permanent.

Losing him changed me. Its made me more quiet. Less planning the future, more trying to just find joy in the day I am in. It made me more careful. At first it had me clinging tight to everyone I love, but I’m learning to let go and not be fearful they will leave me too. I do not have much of a filter right now. I do not have patience for toxicity or people and places that weigh me down. But I also see the beauty in things more than ever. I feel a weird calmness overall, i feel rooted, I feel ready for what’s next, whatever that is.

I trust Jesus more today than I ever have. I have to believe that there is a plan for me greater than anything I have ever though up. I will keep going. There isnt a bone in my body that understands “giving up”, not to say I dont think it some days! No one says this life is suppoesed to be easy, but how you deal with adversity will determine whether you will live a life of JOY one of negativity and being miserable.

You get to choose. How are you feeling today?

Email: undauntedgypsy@tiffany

Love and peace to you,

TB