Saying Goodbye to “Undaunted Gypsy”

Its time. Like a lot of things in my life, this “branding” doesn’t feel like me anymore. She carried me through a really hard season, still ongoing, and I am thankful to those that have endured my “writing”. THis will be my last post and will be shutting this girl down. Agan, thank you!!

I have to stop chasing after the woman I was before grief entered my world. She carried me as far as she could. I am thankful for her, and I will always honor her. Its time for me to meet the woman I am becoming. I’m turning 50 this month and I just started my 20th year at Hodell. 5 kids, 3 beautiful grand daughters. All who need me to be as healthy and available as I can.

Losing jeb left a deep, deep wound. Heartbreak like I have NEVER experienced. I will love him and be so incredibly thankful that I was blessed to spend 30 years with him. He helped me love, trust, and know someone who ALWAYS had my back. He knew my history, we had history. I will carry him with me for the rest of my life. I miss him, daily. But I must quit asking the past to become something it can never be, my future. The minute Jeb left this earth, way too soon, all our dreams and future left with him, and so did a part of me. I will, however, take with me what has remained:

The Love.

The Lessons.

The Family.

The years ahead of me.

Keep going.

One day this will make sense.

Not completely,

Some things never do.

But enough

Enough to forgive

Enough to grieve

Enough to live.

John 16:20, 22

Just a follow up to my post yesterday because, honest Joe over here. I had just come off a soul filling, joyful weekend. Head super clear, heart in a good place, Jesus leading.

But for those following along my grief journey or who are in it along with me, I want to be very careful and be very honest. Not everyday looks like that. It’s what we hope for, what we pray are days and nights feel like. Strong, clear headed, dry face, the desperate ache quiet. And sometimes we get a lot of those days, weeks in a row. Halleluiah! LOL

But grief has a life of its own. In my case, when you lose your partner. The enemy likes to make sure you feel those desperate aches, lack of confidence, head foggy, low to know energy, isolated, frustrated, angry, alone in the world. But I serve a bigger God who reassures me that even when we face loss, trouble, disappointment NOTHING has the power to separate us from His unrelenting love.

One of my fav verses right now:

Psalm 30:10-12

10 Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me;

Lord, be my help.”

11 You turned my wailing into dancing;

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

12 that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.

Lord my God, I will praise you forever.

Interesting note, I researched the word “sackcloth” because let’s be honest, it does not sound lovely! LOL BUT, guess what a sackcloth sometimes represented in the bible?

Mourning: People wore it to express intense personal or national grief, such as when Jacob mourned his son Joseph.

Not everyday will feel like a good day, but everyday is a good day to remember you awoke, you breathed, and you can and will find joy again!

Pic: View from my back yard

Peace and love to you!